fruit wise

It seems we're always helping ourselves to big full plate of misery. Why I can't say. All I know is that for some odd reason much of who we are and what are lives are about are wrapped up in feeling inadequate. To the contrary everything else besides us enjoy life with all its faults. Staring at an avocado and then at an almond this came to me. A tree understands and gives all it can unwavering from what it knows is its purpose. After a few different processes produces a dead end which fills with with the nectar of life. This sack if you will grows with all the nutrients provided by the tree until the conditions are right for it to fall to earth, be carried away by an animal, or picked and distributed by a higher intelligence. This dead end which is the natural process and life cycle of the plant does not err. It does not ask what it should do or if it's doing it right. Everything about it makes sense as if there were no other way. Because to us it seems normal to have options and opportunities to move around here and there, to choose a different path, a different direction, we commonly find ourselves lost wondering what happened and why such in-opportunities keep happening to us only to find out too much time later that it was the choices we made all along. What I am always troubled with is our resistance to make an investment in our own foul-ability early on in life. This may be one of our greatest discoveries and too many of us fight to dismiss it. We argue against nature that our choices are the right ones until we are left abandoned and angry. What is it about being wrong that is so disgusting that we would live alone and miserable? Is it to prove a point? That we didn't give up? That surrender isn't in our vocabulary? Are we trying to teach those around us a lesson? That we know the answers and that our way is the right way? If you ask me it looks as if this way of thinking always gets met with scrutiny to degree that leaves us in disarray and wondering how we got there. Impatient to get back on track we make mistake after mistake all the while feeling like we're losing more ground and making the choice to go even faster and harder blind to the possibility that we might be going in the wrong direction. What is hard to swallow is that we may be lost and that some of the advice we received in the past might have been sorely needed and ignored. What I fear most is that we never begin to listen again as we once did. With a feeling of awe and wondering that we are completely lost to what is being said, to what is being taught. We will never be to old, to wise, to mature, to adult, and definitely to smart to stop to ponder the words of another. The fact that we don't seek to be in this state of mind with a ferocity of a hungry lion or the intensity of a dying star needs to be given our attention like never before. Life is only more complex, and is only gaining speed and if we don't let go of our desires to be in control we'll never be able to step back to see the big picture in order to gauge if we're still heading in the right direction.

options

be always in the wild prepared to reside

untitled

who am i to speak on right and wrong

a fathers love

He Is

The ability to always listen
The ability to always talk
The ability to be there
The ability to accept being needed
The ability to feel loved
The ability to love unconditionally
The ability to make good promises
The ability to always understand
The ability to give more
The ability to cry
The ability to stand for another
The ability to be misunderstood
The ability to make decisions

a half slammed door

im going crazy but hopefully those i know are too and i dont say that because i wish them harm but i hope that im not as lonely as i feel so f*ck all of you and i hope you all go to h*ll cause thats where im going for sure and maybe if im lucky our friendship will be a little more extraordinary that it currently is which is more than i can say for everything im currently surround by for example ignorance bliss and twisted egos inflated beyond limits that were never set low enough for anyone human to exist sanely within and still feel loved and adored as an individual that breathes and wants contact by anyone willing to listen without judgement or hesitation to ask questions and create problems by needing to have themselves validated and what the h*ll does that mean anyway you defy bastard is it just an excuse to be a jerk wad or do you really mean you just need friends and family to say what they really feel cause thats just silly talk and i wont have any of it in the tiny boundry filled fear field i live in buster and thats all i have to say about that.

My Amazing Sister

I Am From Surviving



I am from backpacks

and back to school shopping,

and faking fevers cuz of three mean teachers.

I am from slithering snakes, barking dogs,

purring cats, and chirping birds.

I am from three tall palm trees spotted

from the freeway

and a thorn scraped hand from an

old poky century plant.

I’m from ding-dong-ditching

and creations of music and singing

with bats dancing to the band in the twilight

of the night sky.

I’m from Ric and Sheri

and unconditional love,

siblings that rock and a celestial one above.

I’m from big beautiful creatures

galloping through the trees

and 25 cent lemonade

on a hot summer day, waiting for a breeze.

I am from “Don’t make that face or it will stick”

and “Clean your room! It looks like a hurricane hit!”

I’m from an eternal husband,

love, laughter, snorts, and jokes.

I am from chocolate malted crunch ice cream cones,

Friday night pizza and Disney movies.

I am from tragedy and hope,

faith in God when things are out of my control.

I am from hair buzzers twice

and Relay’s for Life.

I am from words no one should ever have to hear,

“You have cancer. The cancer spread. I’m sorry dear,”

and words that no one should have to know,

R-Chop, Methotrexate, Neupogen, Neulasta.

I’m from “Get well soon!” and “I hope I never see you again,

unless of course you’re here to visit.”

I am from family, friends, and strangers prayers

from around the world, they all were heard.

I am from a stem cell transplant and the words “you’re cured”

I am from battling and surviving.



By Shelsi Stolworthy

24 February 2011

EDML 461

What if

I can't stop thinking about suicide. I think about it everyday. I'm getting so sick of the lies and insincerity coming from all around me. I ask myself why constantly. Why is it so obvious and is it really happening. Going insane sometimes seems the only option and if people don't start living more freely and being better than I feel that all of this is going to start weighing on my conscious more and more until I break one day. No one more than I wish to see this happen and I feel that I have to lie to myself to make it all better. People can't be this careless and heartless. Maybe I'm the one with the problem. When I go to work in the morning I think this sux and then I wonder holy freaking crap some people do this everyday. I would want to cease to exist if that was my lot in life. How the heck do they do it? If it's not that they wake up and think I can't wait to see what today has I'm store than I don't want to wake up. I wake up and the only reason to get of of bed is fear than I won't live up to my commitments and responsibilities. I hate it hate hate freakn hate it. It's getting so hard I hate my life I hate the out look of what I have to live for. I'm so ready to give it up cause I can't see a way out of all the excuses circulating for what there is to live for. I don't care enough to keep the pain I feel inside any longer. I can feel the wrong I can feel the wrong I can feel lies and the end is coming closer and closer everyday.

Bestiary Art

Ahh the monkey poo sculptures... As soft on the eyes as they are on the nostrils.