What if

I can't stop thinking about suicide. I think about it everyday. I'm getting so sick of the lies and insincerity coming from all around me. I ask myself why constantly. Why is it so obvious and is it really happening. Going insane sometimes seems the only option and if people don't start living more freely and being better than I feel that all of this is going to start weighing on my conscious more and more until I break one day. No one more than I wish to see this happen and I feel that I have to lie to myself to make it all better. People can't be this careless and heartless. Maybe I'm the one with the problem. When I go to work in the morning I think this sux and then I wonder holy freaking crap some people do this everyday. I would want to cease to exist if that was my lot in life. How the heck do they do it? If it's not that they wake up and think I can't wait to see what today has I'm store than I don't want to wake up. I wake up and the only reason to get of of bed is fear than I won't live up to my commitments and responsibilities. I hate it hate hate freakn hate it. It's getting so hard I hate my life I hate the out look of what I have to live for. I'm so ready to give it up cause I can't see a way out of all the excuses circulating for what there is to live for. I don't care enough to keep the pain I feel inside any longer. I can feel the wrong I can feel the wrong I can feel lies and the end is coming closer and closer everyday.